You suddenly realise you need to lose weight. So, after reading a few good diet books, meeting with a dietician, and enrolling yourself at the nearby Zumba class, you are all set. You have started eating at small intervals, having light dinners, avoiding late night snacks, hitting the gym regularly, and sleeping on time.
All you have to do is be patient and be yourself. But does that really happen? You bump into Mr. Kapoor in the elevator, and he tells you about a certain herbal product that helped his niece lose 5 kilos within 2 months. OR a certain Pammi Aunty comes over and croons, “Oh My God! Pregnancy me kuch zyada hi weight badh gaya, nahi? Why don’t you try the XYZ diet, betaji?”
Inside your head you are going “Aaaaaaah! Leave me alone”. There is nothing more frustrating, we know. As foodies, or may we say ‘smart foodies’ (now that you have been following bon happetee), we hate when someone tells us to STOP eating something. Because firstly, we loooovvveeee food … we get mad when our friends want to just meet up and it’s not at a food joint, we almost get offended when someone wants us to share our popcorn (though we know that sharing food is really important), and food for us, is basically our soulmate. Secondly, we know better. We know that giving up certain foods is not the way to lose weight.
However, it is hard to shut up the aforementioned Pammi aunties and Kapoor uncles. And since we cannot shut them up, let’s just go over some hilarious diet tips we have heard and have a good laugh over it.
- Sleep only for two hours at night. Better still, do not sleep at all.
We all know that sleep is something you cannot mess with if you need to be fit. Our body needs a minimum of 7 to 8 hours of sleep for it to maintain its wear and tear. Sleeping for anything less than that will ensure anything but weight loss. It will ensure you have muscle and joint pain, feel tired all the time, do not focus on anything, and have extreme mood swings.
- Never have breakfast.
Breakfast, without a doubt, is the most important meal of the day. Our body’s metabolism is the highest at this time of the day, the reason why this should be the heaviest meal of the day. Having a hot and homemade breakfast will not only make you feel satiated, but you will also have a much better judgement of how much you exactly need to eat throughout the day. A good breakfast is the only way you will feel less tempted to reach out for that extra slice of pizza in the evening.
- Eat only once a day. You will lose AUTOMATICALLY.
Yeah, do this and your stomach is going to think your country has been hit by a famine. It will start storing all the food that you eat as fat, as a survival instinct. It will also slow down your metabolism drastically. So, it will be twice as hard for you to lose weight, even after you start eating normally again. On the contrary, if you eat at smaller intervals, and your body gets fed regularly, it is going to feel pampered and treat you the same. It will burn calories while digesting the food every time you eat, and also keep your metabolism rate in check.
- Do not eat at all. Fill your stomach with tea, each time you are hungry.
Yes! People do actually give tips like these. Now, these people are extremely dangerous and should definitely be banned from being seen in the public, isn’t it? Caffeine dehydrates. When you are dehydrated, your skin becomes dry, your joints ache, you confuse thirst with hunger and tend to eat way more than necessary. So, along with keeping the tea and coffee limited to just ONCE a day, drink 7 to 8 glasses of water a day to keep various health issues at bay.
- Never have anything except cucumbers for snack.
Now, cucumbers are great, we love them too, and we agree they are a good snack option too. But only having cucumbers in between your meals or as an evening snack is bound to get monotonous, the reason why you will not be able to keep up the practice and end up feeling even more disappointed. Peanuts, cheese, coconut water, a boiled egg, or a handful of dry fruits are other options for healthy snacking. If you still like the cucumbers have them with your favourite homemade dip like a hummus or tzatziki.
- Keep watching TV. It will keep your mind off food.
Oh yes! The saas-bahu stupidity will get you right back in shape. Seriously? And if this really works, then why is it that you always reach out for a tub of popcorn when you go to a movie theatre, and why is it that you reach out for a cookie or the leftover pizza each time you are watching a FRIENDS episode. Sitting idle and doing nothing is always going to make you binge, and not help you keep your mind off food.
- Exert a lot during your period. You will burn twice as much.
Umm … Really? We don’t even want to bother elaborating. However, please don’t listen to ridiculous tips like these. Rest when you are on your period, and drink lots of water.
- Give up meat completely.
bon happetee never recommends you to give up anything completely. We are all about the love of food and we help you eat what you love. But, if you want to be extra careful, you should limit your intake of red meats. And don’t just look at the fat content in chicken and eggs, they are also dense with protein. You could change your cooking method, and opt for the baked or boiled recipes. Fish full of omega-3s is the last thing you should be giving up.
- Do not eat throughout the day. Have an extremely heavy dinner.
Yes yes yes! Torture your tummy all through the day and just when it is about to take a leave for the day, give it way more than it can handle. Your dinner, as we always say, should be the lightest meal of the day. If you starve all day you are bound to overeat during dinner.
- Give up cheese, milk, and all other dairy products.
This is really the worst we have ever come across. On the contrary, dear friends, milk is dense with nutrients like vitamin D, vitamin K, calcium, magnesium and also vitamin C.
- Chew on gum, every time you are hungry.
Ignoring your hunger pangs is the worst you can do. A neglected stomach feels just like a neglected wife. Don’t pamper it, don’t listen to what it has to say, ignore its cries, and it is bound to rebel against you. (Biwi ko toh phir bhi mana sakte ho, your stomach rebelling against you is something you CANNOT afford.)
- Don’t eat ghee.
Quick question! Why are Marwaris considered to have the sharpest of brains, especially for their business minds? What is it that they do differently? As we all know, among all Indian communities, Marwaris are the ones who consume the most ghee-rich meals. Your brain, which is 60% fat, will thank you if you keep the ghee. Ghee also reduces the overall glycemic index of the roti or rice that you are eating, thus making it much healthier.
We really hope that you will not fall for any of the above ridiculous and misleading tips, and will always choose healthy lifestyle modifications. All you need is a little dedication and discipline. Pay attention to your diet, drink plenty of water, exercise regularly and develop good sleeping habits. This, and only this will ensure a healthy, long lasting weight loss, and a fit body. Hope you all had a good laugh over this.
Comment below and let us know if you have come across any such ridiculous diet tips and we will add them to the list 🙂